Thursday, August 28, 2014

And The Beats Go On...

Once again, the National stage at Arts, Beats, and Eats features not-so classic rock bands and washed up artists from the '90s and '00s. As a Royal Oak resident and masochist, I'm always hopeful for a solid A, B, & E line-up. However, this year continues the streak (or should I say skid mark?) of disappointment. The only thing worse I can think of than Nickleback, is a band inspired by Mr. Avril Lavigne. Apparently, that was the logic behind booking Theory of a Deadman for Monday night’s headliner (and, yes, “Deadman” is all one word, and I feel dumber for having had to Google that).

The Spinners are the only featured act I am truly excited about. You can't go wrong with smooth jams on a hot summer night. The Motown group is probably best known for their hits, "I'll be around" and "Could it be I'm falling in love?" So bring some condoms and try to find a vomit-free tilt-a-whirl car to get your freak on in.

I plan on spending most of the weekend eating, watching hair shows and the Detroit Circus, and listening to local bands on the Alternative stage and Movement DJs in the Performance Pit. If you are a fan of bluegrass, country, folk, soul, or world music, then definitely check out the Americana, Cultural/Acoustic, and International stages.

Here's a taste of the rest of the main stage's musical buffet (you may want to keep Poison Control's number handy, though):

Night Ranger
Go rewatch the drug deal scene in Boogie Nights. That’s a better way to hear Night Ranger’s hit single, “Sister Christian”.

.38 Special
Apparently, you need no less than two drummers to play cheesy southern rock ballads like “Hold on loosely” and “Caught up in you”.

Third Eye Blind
Grab your JNCOs, hemp necklace, and remember the days when Stephan Jenkins’ flat vocals used to dominate the airwaves. Now be thankful that those days are over and look at Paul Rudd’s beautiful face instead of his.

The Village People
Despite being partial to whistles, jorts, and mustaches on men, I can’t get on board with “YMCA”, “Macho man”, or “In the Navy”.

Unless you’re Carl from Aqua Teen, you know that spending an evening waiting to hear “Working for the weekend” is an evening wasted. Get your Loverboy fix watching the chase scene from Wet Hot American Summer instead.


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